Star Wars Episode VII-A New Blog

Posted: September 2, 2009 in Geekgasm, Sci-Fi, Stuff & nonsense, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,
"You are part of a Rebel Alliance and a traitor."

"You are part of a Rebel Alliance and a traitor....and you've got a silly hairdo." "Shut up,Dad."

Star Wars is the greatest film EVER.

The End.

Oh…you want more?

Fair enough.

By Star Wars,I mean of course Episode IV-A New Hope,but only the hardcore fans or those too young to remember it the first time around call it by that title.

The original trilogy will always be Star Wars,The Empire Strikes Back,and Return Of The Jedi (originally called Revenge Of The Jedi,and if you ever find any merchandise with that title stick it on eBay sharpish,you’ll make a packet.),although ROTJ is widely considered to be the minger of the three films.

"Quote me endlessly,you will..."

"Read Tropical Moments daily,you will..."

I would have been about 6 or 7 when I first saw Star Wars at the rather dodgy flea-pit of a local cinema…the film broke down half-way through,but I knew I’d been witness to a world-changing event.

And Han still shot first.

I was hooked….I started collecting every single action figure and toy spaceship I could beg my mum to buy.Most of all,I coveted the Millennium Falcon model…it was hugely awesome and awesomely huge.It cost £20,a small fortune in the early 80s.

But I got it,of course.And I had the AT-AT model….that was about 3 feet high.

Not to mention the comics,lunchbox,transfer sets and a million other things.

Years later,after I had grown out of them,I gave all my Star Wars stuff to the miner’s children for Christmas…due to them being out of work during the strike…(ask your dad).The miners,that is…not the kids.

I still feel a pang of regret at losing my toys…after all,it wasn’t my fault their fathers went on strike.

I had Boba Fett,too…and he was rarer than rocking horse doo-doo.Talking of which,in 1980 the impossible happened….Star Wars 2!!!

ignorance-star-wars-motivationalThe Empire Strikes Back is a member of that exclusive club—The Good Sequel Society.

It’s got the lot–snow,ghosts,incest,a white C-3PO,torture,snogging,the coolest muppet since Kermit and the biggest bombshell in cinema history…although my mother had somehow already worked out the paternity issues before the film was released…she’s clever like that.It’s probably more of a “proper” film than Star Wars…more grown-up and there is none of the shameless merchandise-plugging that would plague the next film and the prequel trilogy.

And we’re introduced to Boba Fett….he has about two lines in the entire film,but women the world over fantasize about him to this day.Why?

Who knows…maybe because he’s cooler than Han Solo,who’s pretty cool to begin with.Perhaps it’s the suit….or the jetpack.

So…Darth Vader is Luke’s dad.Who knew? (apart from my mum) It’s the one of the greatest ever moments in the history of ever,sadly dulled by familiarity and the prequels…..can you imagine seeing that for the first time…you’d have wanted your mummy.I certainly did.celebrity-pictures-vader-luke-skywalkers-dysfunctional

But it is not the greatest ever Star Wars moment ever…as Yoda says….”there is another”…but I’m not going to tell you what it is.If you are a proper fan then you’ll already know what it is…clue-it’s not from the original trilogy!!! Shock horror etc…but I suppose the prequels had to have at least one good bit…it’s the law of averages.

The film ends on a bit of a downer…Han Solo deep frozen!! Luke Skywalker-Vader armless!!!

All this deep and meaningful angst is totally undone by Return Of The Jedi…though it does have some good bits…the speeder-bike chase,the climactic lightsaber battle,and of course everyone’s favourite ginormous gangster slug thing,Jabba The Hut.And no,I haven’t forgotten Princess Leia in a steel bikini…apparently this is supposed to be the sexiest thing ever,but I’ve never thought she looks that good.

And there are also Ewoks….small teddy bear-type things that manage to overcome an entire forest full of Imperial stormtroopers with a few sticks.George Lucas claims he introduced the Ewoks to show that even primitive beings can triumph over great evil…but the truth is he had one eye on the merchandising.They’re not as bad as Jar Jar Binks,but they’re close.

It all ends happily ever after…the Death Star 2.0 blows up,Han cops off with Leia and Darth Vader sacrifices himself by killing the Emperor.They have a wild party and everybody’s happy.

In retrospect,maybe old George should have left it there.

Advertisements
Comments
  1. ratherchildish says:

    As if I had written this entry myself!

  2. Phil says:

    I am a true fan yet I can’t imagine what moment you are referring to as the greatest Star Wars moment ever…

    In my eyes it’s “Close the blast doors, close the blast doors…. open the blast doors open the blast doors” 🙂

  3. […] Star Wars Episode VII-A New Blog September 2009 2 comments 5 […]

  4. sigmundshen says:

    I think the prequels have plenty of great moments! But if I had to guess I’d say you mean the Yoda/Dooku fight?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s