Archive for the ‘Music’ Category



My son often turns to me for advice and to tap my vast bank of knowledge and wisdom.I’m a role-model.

At the weekend,he asked me,whilst we were listening to Queen-

“Is Bohemian Rhapsody the best Queen song ever?”

I replied without hesitation.


“Why?” His favourite word.

Again,I did not hesitate.

“Because Bohemian Rhapsody is the best song ever anyway.”

But is it really?

It certainly has a special place in the hearts of the nation…No.1 for 9 weeks when that actually meant something,3rd biggest selling British single after Do They Know It’s Christmas and Elton John’s Candle In The Wind.One of the first songs to have an accompanying video…it was spared the Pan’s People treatment. (Ask your grandfather) It was too much for even them to interpret….and that’s saying something.

It is impossible to explain why it is so good to someone who doesn’t like it or hasn’t heard it,like trying to explain why the Mona Lisa is the most celebrated painting in the world.

It’s the British Mona Lisa.

Some things are beyond criticism.Get over it.

Bohemian Rhapsody is totally brilliant simply because it¬†shouldn’t be.

There are six distinct parts or sections in the song,which are totally different but fit together perfectly…like a BLT sandwich or Nicole Kidman.There’s the obligatory guitar solo and hard rock bit…there’s even a bit of opera,thanks to Sir Frederick of Mercury.

It doesn’t appear to be about anything…oh yes it’s about 6 minutes ūüėČ (that’s pathetic—The Blog Dog.)

But of course,it doesn’t need to be about anything when it sounds like this.

Bohemian Rhapsody had a second lease of life thanks to the film Wayne’s World,which also helped Queen finally get recognition in America,something they’d never been able to achieve.This sequence is the most memorable from the film…in a sense it is what makes the film.The film and the song exist in a kind of symbiosis…they have¬†become¬† inseparable.People immediately think of Wayne’s World when they hear Bohemian Rhapsody…which is fine because it is a very good film…it’s just as well¬†it wasn’t used in Legally Blonde 2 or something.

Who hasn’t had a bit of a headbang at that bit of the song? It’s as if it’s always been standing up for the Hallelujah Chorus,and it’s the best bit of the whole song…this is what it’s been building up to.

If Bohemian Rhapsody was sex it would be the orgasm.

And it lasts for nearly a minute.

Not bad.

And it also includes the line “Beelzebub has a devil for a sideboard.” (it doesn’t actually,you nutter—The Blog Dog.)

So…Bohemian Rhapsody is the greatest song ever…but if you beg to differ,and have your own greatest song ever in the history of ever,please justify your selection in the comments box,which I will read and,if I get enough responses I will compile them in a future post.

Next time-I change my mind and claim that Hey Mickey by Toni Basil is the greatest ever song ever…because it is actually..

Bigmouth Strikes Again!

Posted: July 31, 2009 in Music
Tags: , , , ,

I chuffing love The Smiths.

But I never used to…

I’m like that with bands….I only start liking them 20 years after they’ve split up.

I don’t follow trends…I create them.Every 20 years my clothes come back into fashion.

In my school there was ONE Smiths fan..although “fan” didn’t really sum her up.

She was fekking obsessed…

A quiet,brainy,sensitive sort by nature (perfect Smiths fan),she would only come to life when pressed about her fave subject.She was often to be found comparing Morrissey’s lyrics to Shakespeare.

This would amuse us greatly,because even though we all hated Shakespeare,The Smiths were only a pop band…weren’t they?

Only a certain type of person followed them.

Those quiet,arty,sensitive types who society just didn’t understand…today we would call them Emo.And we would want to kill them…if they hadn’t already done it themselves,of course.

Smiths fans were Emos…but with better taste in music.

Maybe it was because they were so damn miserable. You had to be as miserable as them to be allowed to like them….being a fan was something you had to earn.You got the impression that all Morrissey wanted was to get his leg over,just once would do,he’s gagging for it,bless him.

Poor sod.

My first and most vivid memory of The Smiths was on Top of the Pops when Morrissey performed with a bunch of flowers in his back pocket.Everybody was talking about that the next day.

They were the ultimate indie band…and in my social circle indie,quite simply¬†was a polite term for crap….and I was too busy listening to Duran Duran anyway.

I had a fairly extensive music collection in my tender,disillusioned teenage years.

NOTHING by the Smiths….not even a 7-inch… (stop sniggering at the back)

Until they released “Panic.”

Suddenly I was a fan…and so was everybody else.Cries of “Hang the DJ!” could be heard echoing through the city streets.admittedly it is a great song,but I soon realised I’d missed out on so much.

The classic jugga jugga (proper musical term) of ¬†“How Soon Is Now?”,the despair of “There Is A Light That Never Goes Out”,the how-can-you-call-a song-that shock of “Girlfriend In A Coma” and “Shoplifters of the World Unite.”

“Last Night I Dreamed Somebody Loved Me”…been there,readers…been there.

Now a confession….I did actually turn a bit emo in the early 90s due to my new-found Smiths infatuation.

I even had a Cure record…Disintegration to be exact…and I did have a lot of black clothes…

I am not ashamed.I am no longer emo,but am often miserable as buggery…so I am still a fan.

If you are a lifelong fan,or if you are new to The Smiths,I shall leave you with this…

10.OOPS – After failing to die in spectacular fashion in a yacht race,Simon Le Bon appeared on a Saturday morning children’s television programme to talk about his chilling ordeal.During a live phone-in,a child asked him what was the scariest thing he experienced whilst stuck in a capsized yacht in freezing water for hours.His reply?

“Seeing the cook’s arse at 8 o’clock in the morning.”

He was banned from kid’s telly for life.


New Moon On Monday-Shake up the picture the lizard mixture/With your dance on the eventide

The Chauffeur-Way down the lane away,living for another day/The aphids swarm up in the drifting haze

Notorious-And who really gives a damn for a flaky bandit?/Don’t ask me to bleed about it


8.They promoted and lived a lifestyle that most people couldn’t even dream of.They married supermodels when all we could manage was Sharon from the Co-op.And they were from Birmingham.

7.Warren Cuccurullo-Former “member” of the band,in 2001 he marketed the “Rock Rod”,a self-modelled dildo that sold through his website.Well if you’ve got it,flaunt it.

6.Nick Rhodes РI am not ashamed to say he was something of a role-model during my teenage years,due to him being so sodding arty.He hung out with Andy Warhol and his chums,and his parents owned a toy store.He did strange things to keyboards and quite frankly is THE sound of Duran Duran.

5.Pop Quiz – Duran’s superiority over Spandau Ballet was proven beyond all doubt on the field of battle,the celebrity music gameshow Pop Quiz.The scores were tied.It was a tense moment.It all hinged on whether the answer Martin Kemp had just given was correct.

It was not.

Of course it wasn’t Union of the Snake,it was New Moon On Monday,you fool.

The ‘Ran won.Spandau Ballet never released another record,and Martin Kemp had to hide in Eastenders due to death threats from distraught Spandau Ballet fans…both of them.

4.Princess Diana ‘s favourite band.This made a difference…big time.The only band with Royal Approval.Like HP sauce.They played at her tribute concert by special request of her family.

3.Arena – Quite simply the greatest live album ever.I bought this the day it came out.It never left the tape deck.It’s probably still in there.But they shouldn’t have put Wild Boys on it.

2.Career Suicide – Solo projects,Bond themes,doing a cover version of White Lines and 911 Is A Joke,marrying Amanda De Cadenet…time and again they’ve shot themselves in the foot but managed to hobble to the hospital and get patched up.The Arcadia album was the best album Duran Duran never made,A View To A Kill is the only Bond film theme to go to No.1 in America,and they don’t even care that everyone laughed at their covers album.And John Taylor even had the good sense to divorce Amanda De Cadenet…she was on The Word,you know….remember that?

1.Videos – They invented the music video.

Wild Boys was voted the Best Video in the Smash Hits awards 3 years running,even when it wasn’t in the charts.

Girls On Film had naked ladies in it.I didn’t even know what a naked lady was until I saw that.

The Chauffeur,likewise.Nobody knows what it’s about,but well,see above.

Hungry Like The Wolf had an elephant in it.

A View To A Kill features the band.At the end,a girl asks Simon Le Bon

“Aren’t you…?

“Yes…Le Bon…Simon Le Bon.”

This is a cringe-makingly awful moment,but he knows it.That’s what makes it great.

The Reflex- That bit with the water is frigging awesome

Save A Prayer – filmed on a beach.Probably in Barbados…I’d never got further than Blackpool….they were better than us in so many ways.

And finally,if you had to boil down Duran Duran’s greatness to one word,that word would be …


Next time-Does this look infected…?