Posts Tagged ‘Apple’

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…there are a few of its products that would test the faith of even the most fanatical Steve Jobs disciples,namely-

  1. THE MACBOOK AIR-It’s a MacBook…it’s thin…that’s it.Nowhere near as sexy as the white MacBook or as beefy as the MacBook Pro,the Air is the laptop equivalent of another entry in this dubious list,the iPad….looks all lovely and shiny but you cannot think of even one reason why you should buy one other than to show off.We’ve all heard the story about the American pillock who allegedly put his Air on top of some newspapers on his coffee table and “accidentally” threw it out in the rubbish.Most likely,he realised he’d bought a turkey and devised a way for him to get rid of it while getting a bit of fame at the same time…it isn’t even that thin or that light.Talking of which…
  2. THE IPAD-sadly not a kind of iPhone/sanitary towel mash-up,more an iPhone for someone with really big hands,the iPad is for people who want to have the apps they never use on their iPhones,but bigger.Obviously brought out by Apple in order to get a slice of the growing e-book market,it’s not quite a laptop,not quite anything really…except maybe a very expensive coffee-table paperweight-the top of the range with 3G and wi-fi is £699.If you think that’s a reasonable price to pay to read online newspaper articles from the comfort of your armchair because you’re to lazy to walk to your computer,than good luck to you….just don’t take it outside with you,because if you’re not mugged then you’ll realise the major drawback to the iPad and indeed the iPhone…no 3G,no happiness.Believe me I know…my mother’s house is a kind of technology black hole from whence no signal can escape.I keep on at her to get broadband,but she’s still struggling with BBC 2.And talking of television-
  3. APPLE TV-do you actually know anyone with one of these? If,for some strange reason,you want to watch your Lady Gaga videos or the vastly overpriced films you bought from iTunes on your main television,you can use the Apple TV to stream it down the intertubes.Quite frankly,if you’re buying films and TV series from iTunes,then you are stupid….or rich…or a stupid rich person,so it’s probably only fitting that you have a special gadget that costs £233 to watch them on.Maybe you’d like one of these,too-
  4. IPOD NANO-The 16GB version costs £138 and is a must for people who like squinting at Beyonce’s latest video or that film they took of their neighbour sunbathing topless,because the shiny new Nano now records video onto a miniscule screen.Think of the hours of fun to be had watching Avatar on a one-inch screen.Ooh and it’s got a radio and a pedometer!!! Much more useful and fun is the iPod Shuffle…totally bereft of buttons or screen,a disembodied voice,in the manner of a slightly more urbane Stephen Hawking, announces the name of the song you’re listening to,in case,like me,you download any old crap without actually checking what it is first.Or you’ve only got a 5 second memory.

Even though I worship at the altar of Apple,and regularly make pilgimages to the Apple Store in Cardiff,I’m kind of glad that there have been problems with the new iPhone 4,because Apple was starting to resemble the Evil Empire,and needed a kick in their complacency.They don’t want to get TOO big,because there’s only one way to go from there.Poor old Microsoft are being left behind,quite rightly,I think,because people are turning away from clunky old PCs and wonky Windows,and instead buying into the Apple ethic…stone-cold sexy gear that has a uniform identity that works (well sometimes,but more often than a PC.) If you’ve stood face-to-face with a 27″ iMac,then you’ll know what I’m talking about.Sexier than Eva Mendes smothered in strawberry cheescake,I’m going to get one when I can find a buyer for my kidneys.

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This blog in no way endorses the excellent products produced by Apple

I have absolutely nothing to blog about today,so please forgive me if I make random shit up.

Ooh I know…seeing that this blog has been going for about a fortnight,how about a few updates to previous blogs with some funny photos that i’ve spent all bloody afternoon finding because I have no life?

No?

Sod ya then….because you’re getting it.

First up…a gross error of judgement.

Calendar fail…Alkie-Neighbour’s birthday party is TONIGHT.

The grannies have been ominously massing since midday.Worse still,they all know which house I live in,and I swear I saw a few of them look lustily in the general direction of my front door.

My life is in great danger…I saw the Octo-Drunk making sausage rolls earlier.

I fear the aged,wrinkled face at the door…the hideously gnarled hand upon my knocker.

I got her a card…stuck it through her box earlier,then legged it.I’ll pretend to be out for the rest of the evening,that should do it.

On a related not,I still have no light in the living room or landing.I haven’t been able to psych myself up to go and buy bulbs…although this may help me out this evening…hmmm…nice coincidence.

Talking of dolphins,I received a brochure in the post today about Community Education Courses.As I was about to funny-pictures-hermione-cat-knows-all-the-answersrecycle this delirious tome,I paused…and decided to give it a cursory glance.And I’m mightily glad I did because I am now going to sign up to a £50,ten-week course to teach me how to sell on eBay,while squeezing in a bit of pilates,yoga and introduction to massage…and perhaps a bit of lacemaking.

Ooh and belly-dancing…I need a bit of that.

On a more sobering note,it appears my last post caused a bit of a stir.Aspersions were cast on The Blog Dog’s kind and loving nature.

In short,that The Blog Dog was,in no uncertain terms,a “Bad Arse.”

I know,I know…I’m shocked too.

These accusations are completely false…The Blog Dog is NOT a “bad arse” of any kind,but would like to point out thatfpfanimal0 the extremely handsome young man who types out his blogs,known only as sabbathdei,is a complete and utter “bad arse” but nice with it.That is all.

And to bring this swiftly to a close because I fancy a cuppa,I’m still not married,still can’t drive,still love Duran Duran and am still totally single.

I thank you.

Next time…I’ll think of something serious to write about,I promise…