Posts Tagged ‘Cheryl Cole’

This isn’t very interesting but it does have a photo of Tennant (not my idea) for the ladies,(but obviously not for Doctor Who fans because he has nothing to do with it) and lots of stats and stuff to show you how many wonderful peeploids worried my blog last year.

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

The average container ship can carry about 4,500 containers. This blog was viewed about 19,000 times in 2010. If each view were a shipping container, your blog would have filled about 4 fully loaded ships.

In 2010, there were 28 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 110 posts. There were 53 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 4mb. That’s about 1 pictures per week.

The busiest day of the year was February 17th with 559 views. The most popular post that day was Has Anyone Seen Our David…?.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were community.livejournal.com, twitter.com, blogsurfer.us, facebook.com, and spam-filtering-service.net-us.info.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for cheryl cole, underground map, london underground, lady gaga, and captain pugwash.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

Has Anyone Seen Our David…? February 2010
2 comments

2

GaGa Ooh La La! December 2009
2 comments

3

Sci-Fi’s Unsung Heroes #53,627 – Ensign Ro Laren August 2009
2 comments

4

Star Wars Episode VII-A New Blog September 2009
2 comments

5

The One About Not Drinking August 2009
1 comment

MERRY MICKELMAS…or something…

Guten Afternoon-en,Reality Surfers and Splitters of the Infinitive!!

‘Tis I,ब्लॉग कुत्ता !!!

And in the words of Sir Noddy Holder…IT’S BLOGMAS !!!!!!!

A time to remember the important things in life,such as getting rammed out of your cabbage on Asti Spumante at the office party and waking up the next morning with Dawn,the fat girl who fills the photocopier.A time to think of those less fortunate than yourself,the poor souls who,believe it or not,aren’t intergalactic pug-dogs of mystery with a vast fortune amassed in a life of adventure,intrigue and leg-humping.For even though I am a fabulously wealthy adventurer in time and space and elsewhere,it doesn’t mean that I don’t think of those less fortunate than myself.

*By the way,the people from the gas board called..they’ll be round to switch off your supply on Tuesday,….*

Ha ha…umm…yes thank you for reminding me…I’m switching over to electric heating.I’ve heard wonderful things about Economy 7-

*…and I’ve taken the magnet off the electricity meter…the bloke from n-power said,and I quote “Low usage is one thing but we were just taking the pi-*

SShhh…ha ha yes you do that,I don’t know how it got there…bloody kids.Bring back National Service,that’s what I say….Anyway,shouldn’t you be packing ?
*I’ve nearly finished*

Yes indeed,Constant Reader…you read right…I am vacating my current Fortress of Blogitude and relocating to a swanky drum in the Docklands…West India Quay to be exact.Tube stations are so last year.And Mornington Crescent is rather too big for me and Rizla now that my former love,Miss Deidre Macbeth,has run off with that Tennant person.Where is he now,eh?
Eh ?
Answers to this,and other,questions shall be forthcoming during the next twelvemonth,for The Dog of Blog will be back in business very soon,banging one off the wrist,as it were,with more gusset-ripping installments of The Necronomnomicon and more tuber-troubling terrors with everyone’s favourite psycho-bitch,Marjorie Misnomer.
Christmas is a time for family..but seeing as I have no family,I’ve decided that Blogmas is a time for me,so if you’ll excuse me,I must away to my new pad to install the shark tank and gruff a box or ten of jelly fruits while watching Her Majesty (God Bless Her) on the tellybox,for was it not John The Baptist who said-

*Umm you may want to stop it there,actually…*

For why,pray,for why ?

*Well there appear to be two very large gentlemen with hurty-sticks  attempting to squeeze themselves through the barrier you put up to keep the council tax bloke out-*

SHIT!

*I think I already have*

Oh Buddha it’s the Theydon Bois !!!

*Big lads,aren’t they?*

Wapping!

*Oh Arsenal*

Down the secret tunnel!! Time to blog off,Dear Reader…until we meet again in futures uncertain,Happy Blogmas !!

As part of Hate Is Great season,here we go again with another acid-filled blog all about things which “grind my gears.”

1.We’ll start with an easy one…..if you say “could of” and “would of” instead of “could have” or “would have”….I know where you live,and I’m sending the boys round as we speak.

2.Dan Brown-just because.

3.Post Offices-they sell everything now…credit cards,home/holiday/car/life insurance,telephony/mortgages…all of which they attempt to flog you when all you want is a stamp.No wonder the queues are always spewing out the door.My local P.O. pretty much always has every counter open,to be fair,but they still can’t cope with the backlog of grannies wanting a 2nd class stamp.Less talk,more speed please.

4.Kirstie Allsopp-chunky host of Location etc etc…every week she tells of the sad plight of posh couples who want to buy a 20-bedroom mansion in the country with a budget of only 50 million quid….bless ’em.Awful woman….she’s completely out of touch with reality.In fact she reminds me of a manager I once had,she liked the sound of her own voice….looked like her too.AND Kirstie gets dressed in the dark and is obviously no stranger to jumble sales….I would,though.

5.Books-I’ve got a game for you to play when you’re in WHSmiths next.Pick any new book currently on sale.Now try and buy it at the price printed on the inner flap.You won’t be able to…because this is a complete fantasy to make you think you’re getting a bargain.If anyone reading this can find a new book at the price listed on the cover I will buy it off them,refund their petrol if necessary,and take them out for a slap-up meal at the Harvester of their choice.It’s the norm these days for shops to heavily discount books,to compete with the interweb etc.-why should shop A sell it at 18.99 if shop B and the rest of the alphabet has it at a discount–fair enough,but then whats the point of printing the full price if it can’t actually be bought at that price.

6.People who check their lotto numbers in the shop-Next time you hand over your grubby ticket to the pale Saturday girl and ask her to check if you’re a winner,consider this-do you really expect her to say “Oh congratulations sir,you’ve got all 6 balls and you’re a gazillionaire.Well done,here’s your ticket back.” Or would it be more likely that she’d say “Sorry,you’ve got nothing.” and stuff the winning ticket into her grubby overalls.You’ve only got the machine operator’s word for it.If this is the slapdash way in which you onduct your business,then you deserve to be robbed.This has probably happened more times than you’d think. How do I know this….well,if I was operating a lotto machine and a winning ticket came my way,I’d take it and say nothing…and so would YOU.

7.People who don’t vote and complain about the outcome-In the last European Parliament elections,the BNP gained a couple of seats.Cue much gnashing of teeth from the entire population,many of whom probably didn’t vote or were among the thousands of people who spoiled their voting papers in every constituency.This will probably happen again this May when the General Election rears it’s ugly head….make your vote count,don’t waste it then complain your party didn’t get in.

8.Cheryl Cole-oh,like I need to explain.

9.Anti-smoking loonies-This is the warning next to the booking details for Robert Pattinson’s new film,Remember Me-“Contains infrequent strong language, moderate sex and violence, and smoking.”

Smoking.

Because apparently,smoking has become the number one bogeyman…by all means,let our children see all kinds of murder & blood & guts & shagging on televison,but make sure they don’t see anyone having a sneaky Woodbine because they might take up smoking themselves,even though they already smoke 20 a day.

What’s next ?

 This film contains a man called Brian?

Contains sex,violence and people with bad teeth?

 This film is not suitable for people who don’t like budgies?

We all know where this comes from,which leads me neatly on to the last hate-

EPIC FAIL

10.America-I don’t know where to begin….the utter crapness of this country deserves an entire series of blogs all of  its own.One of God’s biggest mistakes.