Posts Tagged ‘Daleks’

This isn’t very interesting but it does have a photo of Tennant (not my idea) for the ladies,(but obviously not for Doctor Who fans because he has nothing to do with it) and lots of stats and stuff to show you how many wonderful peeploids worried my blog last year.

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

The average container ship can carry about 4,500 containers. This blog was viewed about 19,000 times in 2010. If each view were a shipping container, your blog would have filled about 4 fully loaded ships.

In 2010, there were 28 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 110 posts. There were 53 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 4mb. That’s about 1 pictures per week.

The busiest day of the year was February 17th with 559 views. The most popular post that day was Has Anyone Seen Our David…?.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were community.livejournal.com, twitter.com, blogsurfer.us, facebook.com, and spam-filtering-service.net-us.info.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for cheryl cole, underground map, london underground, lady gaga, and captain pugwash.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

Has Anyone Seen Our David…? February 2010
2 comments

2

GaGa Ooh La La! December 2009
2 comments

3

Sci-Fi’s Unsung Heroes #53,627 – Ensign Ro Laren August 2009
2 comments

4

Star Wars Episode VII-A New Blog September 2009
2 comments

5

The One About Not Drinking August 2009
1 comment

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Alright dudes ?

Hola!

‘Tis I-El Perro Blog…reporting from the London Underground,and my Mornington Crescent lair… and I am one year old !!

Yes,adventure-fans..it was one year ago (almost) today that I was found,swaddled in a copy of Razzle,on the doorstep of 10 Downing Street,having fallen through a rift in the time-space continuum following my battle with the Daleks on Uranus.(I have to do ALL the work while Tennant gets all the glory…and my wife,but that’s another story)

But there is no time for a detailed origin story this week….another time maybe…if I can be arsed.

Not only do I have to advertise for another maid/cleaner/cook/tea-maker/asbestos cleaner/toenail-cutter,but I also need to finish my profile on this intertubenet dating site I’ve joined-PlentyofDogs.com,because I haven’t had a bit for months…and you wouldn’t believe the dust on the platform.I’ve decided to combine the two jobs,that of lover and caretaker.

My ad reads – “Handsome Immortal Adventurer In Time & Space Seeks Sex-Mad Bitch To Make Tea And Sweep Up”

Haven’t had many replies yet…

Anyway…what can you expect from the upcoming year?

Excitement,adventure and rampant sauciness,that’s what!!

And if I can pull my finger out,more pelvic-floor-testing escapades from my unbelievable life !!!

THE BLOG DOG-like a nun with dwarfism ramming a box of chalk up your crevice…sexier than Eva Mendes carrying a Tesco bag filled with custard creams…the feeling you get when you realise you CAN marry your iMac…the Blog Dog is all these things,and yet more..

Until next time,jollies-junkies !!!

Well…I told you,didn’t I ?

Confession…..I wrote that yesterday,convinced in my mind as I was that the new Doctor Who would be shit.

Well it was…..but not that much.

True,the new title sequence,theme tune,redesign of the TARDIS console room,the new Doctor’s costume,the continuity announcer at the end of the episode who sounded like he was being paid per palpitation,(OK that one doesn’t count) and the continuation of the annoying trend of the female companion having a dopey (although in this case,entertaining) boyfriend—all these factors were appalling.Woeful.Awful.Dumpage.

But these are things that cannot be changed,so there’s not much anyone can do about them…so we don’t need to dwell on them….and as a lifelong Doctor Who fan (I haz the skillz) I am prepared to look beyond a naff title sequence and theme tune arrangment (by turning the sound down) if the stories are up to scratch.I’ve done it before.

First episodes are a curious beast…for every Spearhead From Space there’s a Time And The Rani.(Google them if you don’t know) The Eleventh Hour (Ooh…eleventh Doctor,lasted an hour…see what they did there?),was Matt Smith’s debut gig,and,as the saying goes,very much a game of two halves.

Despite initial misgivings as the Doctor clinged desperately to the TARDIS as it plummeted towards the next plot device,the newboy started to show some glimmers of promise,while obviously haunted by David Tennant.Matt Smith,like the episode itself, was at his best during the first half hour when he wasn’t quite himself,in typical post-regeneration fashion.So good was he,in fact,that I actually said out loud (to myself-don’t judge) “He’s quite good”…and,yes,those words tasted like vinegar 🙂

 As the episode progressed,we were introduced to new companion-in-waiting,Amelia “Amy” Pond who,in quite gobsmackingly perverse fashion,managed to be nowhere near as awful as I had been dreading.Cue more vinegary words….but hey,I can admit to being wrong,I’m all grown-up and mature,like.I’m not the kind of person who slags something off before it’s even started,what do you take me for 😛 ??? (IRONY) I’m entitled to change my mind on a whim…I’m in touch with my feminine side.

I don’t do spoilers (well sometimes),so I won’t go into too much detail,suffice it to say that there’s a slightly naff monster,a bit of running around,a little bit of padding,and what appears to be a bit of a smack in the face for Tennant fans during one of those flashbacks that used to make the fans drool back in the day.That’s assuming there’s any women still watching,of course,what with young Matt’s less-than-perfect boatrace,but then if that’s why you’re watching,then,basically,you shouldn’t be watching.

But enough Tennant-bashing–he’s history,yesterday’s Time Lord. We’ve got a new bloke for the next 12 episodes,which,judging by the trailer,will feature several returning monsters,including the Daleks,Rubbish Cybermen and The Weeping Angels….and this is where Matt Smith will win or fail,by the strength of his stories-he’s pretty much on probation for his first season.Tennant had to gurn his way through some real stinkers,but had neither the presence nor the ability of previous Doctor Who actors to transcend the scripts’ shortcomings.Matt’s showing a glimmer….just a glimmer,mind…of something interesting…whether it develops into anything,we shall have to wait and see.

Time,as it always does,will tell.

P.S I shall be making good on my promise to eat my own spleen in public soon…stay tuned for ticket prices 😛

TTFN!!

“By your final episode,shall thee be judged.”

So said God when he set out the rules of Doctor Who,on the 8th day.

And so shall David Tennant be judged,as he took his leave,in somewhat embarrassing fashion,on New Year’s Day in Part 2 of The End Of Time.

If the final part of Tom Baker’s last story,Logopolis,represents the zenith,then this is the nadir.

I simply cannot find a single good thing to say about these two episodes,apart from the fact that we finally got rid of Tennant,even if it took a bit of a struggle (of which,more anon.)

Part 1 can be easily dismissed as just a rather boring setup for the cliffhanger at the end with the return of the Time Lords,with the President played hilariously by Timothy Dalton,the pride of Colwyn Bay,and former James Bond.

Oh,and The Master comes back,but it’s the rubbish one played by John Simm,and he can fly….no,I don’t know why either.He’s turned everyone on Earth in to replicas of himself…yes,it is as naff and pointless as it sounds. (Don’t worry,everyone gets better)

On to the second episode.

Oh dear.

Clocking in at around 1hr 20,the episode was bursting at the seams with the most shameless padding and superfluous scenes ever seen in the series’ history.

A scene with Tennant moping around being emotional on a spaceship lasts for about 30 minutes….then there’s a sequence of sfx to justify the licence fee,and THEN the torture is ended by-

THE WORST MOMENT EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE PROGRAMME.

Believe me I speak from experience. 

It’s the bit where the Doctor jumps out of a spaceship…just falls,really.Through the air,through the roof and lands on the floor.

Just plummets.

Totally pointless….

Cue more padding.

The Time Lords pop up again,and lucky for the population of the planet,they’ve brought along Russell T Davies’ favourite plot-device,the Off-Switch,and they rather kindly turn everyone back to normal.

How convenient.

Then they go away again,after posing a threat for exactly one minute….there was absolutely no reason for them to be in the story,other than just for the sake of having a new enemy in the show.

The Doctor has saved the day again.Hoorah…..but oh no,he has to sacrifice himself to save Bernard Cribbins,which will surely trigger the much anticipated regeneration.

Except…OMG…look at the clock…there’s half a bloody hour to go…how the **** can they pad out the regeneration for that long?

Stay tuned….they CAN.

And they DID.

For a full 30 minutes Tennant revisits all his companions in a shameless advert for Torchwood/Sarah Jane Adventures….even when he gets to the TARDIS to get down to business,he takes his own sweet time,as if the producers wanted us to really be upset that Tennant is going.

His last words won’t do him any favours either,when the roll is called up yonder….

“I don’t want to go.”

Heroic….NOT.

Compare Tom Baker’s last words-

“It’s the end,but the moment has been prepared for.”

I presume Tennant’s words were chosen to represent the feelings of the fans (for fans read “women”) who don’t want Tennant to go.

Tom’s last words signify not only the end of the 4th Doctor’s reign but also the end of the greatest era of Doctor Who as a programme.

Finally the moment all true fans have been waiting for,the only reason we tuned in…even my mother watched it to see the new boy.

Suddenly,Matt Smith,the 11th Doctor,was born,screaming,before us.

What can we deduce from such a brief appearance?

A lot.

  1. It looks like he’s going to act in what he thinks is a “Doctor Who-ey” kind of way-this is bad…the best Doctors played themselves.
  2. He is an…”interesting” looking chap-hopefully his performance will be interesting too,and he won’t be hampered by being some sort of sex symbol.He can concentrate on being Doctor Who instead.
  3. At one point he gobs at the console…honest,he spits…go and have a look.

He’s going to be bloody terrible,just like Tennant…

But we shall see.

“By your final episode,shall thee be judged.”

The End Of Time -this one story sums up the Tennant era perfectly-

Overblown

Too long

Unnecessary special effects

Ineffectual enemies

The Off-Switch 

Over-acting

Padding

Not exactly the show’s finest hour.

Come the spring,we shall see if it’s all going to start again,or if the proper fans will finally get the series we deserve.

THIS IS AN ANNOUNCEMENT ON BEHALF OF THE REAL FANS OF DOCTOR WHO

David Tennant has left the programme

Normal service has been resumed

There is no need for any women to keep watching

Any females wishing to continue viewing Doctor Who must first complete and pass a written examination to ascertain their knowledge of the programme 

This will ensure only proper fans of Doctor Who are watching

All the other women who only watched Doctor Who to lust after Tennant can bugger off and watch Hollyoaks

Thank you

 

For Shannabarnarna

WHY???

The title of this bloggette says it all-I chuffing HATE David Tennant.

I have never watched one of his episodes more than once….once is enough.Some I haven’t seen at all…and I’m supposed to be a Doctor Who fan.

But what I mean by this is—I don’t like him as Doctor Who.

I don’t hate him as a person…he may be a thoroughly nice bloke,or he may be a secret axe-murderer…I don’t know,and I don’t care.

But he most definitely IS a rubbish Doctor…and just like my boss,The Blog Dog,I will not be questioned…my knowledge of Doctor Who is total and absolute.

The thing is,I know what I’m talking about.

Some of his episodes are almost childishly bad,but maybe it’s not entirely his fault..after all,it’s Russell T.Davies who is,or at least was,in charge of everything.He has even admitted that he would completely rewrite scripts…this is not good.And if there is one thing that Doctor Who attracts more than anything else…it’s Egos.

Big ones.

Tom Baker reckoned he pretty much owned the show during his later years,and got his way perhaps once too often because everyone wanted a quiet life.On the whole though,he was justified….because Tom was chuffing awesome.

Russell T.Davies is NOT awesome although his ego is just as huge…some of his stories have embarrassed my son,and he’s in the target audience of Doctor Who.For example-

“Journey’s End”….the last episode of Tennant’s third season….lame,lame,lame.It makes me cringe.His lowest point…and he’s had his fair share of them.

A typical 45-minute Tennant episode consists of the following-

5 minutes of action/plot

40 minutes of over-acting/snogging

This is supposed to be Doctor Who—NOT Hollyoaks.

I suppose it is dumbed-down Doctor Who for a dumbed-down generation.

The next one will probably be just as bad…he looks different to Tennant but also exactly the same.The BBC obviously don’t want to mess with a very lucrative formula.

They don’t want to scare the kids who wouldn’t be able to cope with a good actor and intelligent scripts,so we’re stuck with a bloke who looks like an art-school reject.Things can only get worse.

So…why do I hate Tennant?

Well…I’ve seen every surviving episode of Doctor Who,so I am in good position to make an objective judgement.

Tom Baker is God….simples!

And here’s another reason why I hate him—

Because I can!

OK that’s my rant over.Feel free to hate me in a comment-based way.

The 1000 Hits Post!

Posted: August 11, 2009 in Life, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

happy_peopleWell ain’t this grand….arf arf.

1,000 blog hits.

When I started this blog,I thought 16 hits was a lot.

Now I’ve got one chuffing thousand…well blog me.This may mean that I have to start taking this seriously.

Is this update actually about anything?

No.

Does it feature Daleks and Cup-A-Soup?

For once,no and no.

Is this update self-indulgent and self-congratulatory?

Yes and yes.

Am I chuffed to buggery and back to reach this milestone?

Yes.

Because only a few weeks ago I used to dread getting up in the morning…you could say I’d lost the will to live.

Now I’ve found something I’m good at….(or at least something I’m good at that can be done in public,nudge nudge.)

Sometimes…I’m even in a good mood.

Things can only get better!

(Hopefully this blog will too!)

And now—a picture of a kitten in a big tea-cup! AWWWWW!!

KITTYCUPDABIGTHANKS-vi

BettanyHughes

Bettany Hughes...again!!!

Hello history fans! Bettany Hughes here again with another in my series of dodgy,poorly researched and painfully unfunny histories of different stuff!

This week-DOCTOR WHO!!!

To chart the history of Doctor Who one must first tell of the origins of the BBC.

The BBC was established in 1850 and has been stealing money from us ever since to make their wonderful TV shows like Hole In The Wall and to give John Barrowman something to do.

In 1963 somebody clever had the idea of Doctor Who,and it wasn’t long before it became a big hit with pale,speccy,spotty boys who would never have sex.A few weeks after the first episode,the Doctor came face to plunger with the fearsome Darlicks!!

Shit-scary robot mad buggers on wheels from another planet,the Darleks had a fearsome multi-functional sink plunger,borrowed from their Mum’s kitchen,which they used to unblock the toilet after they’d been,and an awesome laser zapper thing so they could kill all the extras in the episodes who didn’t have any lines.

SCARY DARLEX!

SCARY DARLEX!

All the Darlicks were operated by one-eyed pygmies from Belgium who were paid 1 shilling per week. (This wage was later increased to 5p and a Curly-Wurly after decimalisation..it may not sound a lot by today’s standards but remember,this was when Curly-Wurlys WERE Curly-Wurlys.)

But it was to be in 1965 that Doctor Who really took off…when some clever scientist types in white coats with loads of biros stuffed in the pocket and really thick-lensed glasses invented an amazing  invention…

Robot Women.

These could be used as the Doctor’s female companions as they were found to be less stroppy than real women.

Woman Automated Neural Controller...the W.A.N.C.

Woman Automated Neural Controller...the W.A.N.C.

They came in all shapes and sizes,but the ones that worked really well on the show were the ones that were made without many clothes on.They were remotely controlled by clever boffin types using a great big machine with wires and tubes and things sticking out of it,called the Woman Automated Neural Controller (or W.A.N.C. for short.) So successful was this machine that a toy version of it was released in time for Christmas so every geeky,greasy little 13 year old boy could watch the pretty girls on the show and have a W.A.N.C. of his own…*

*(The Blog Dog would like to apologise for the poor quality of this joke.The unfunny slacker responsible has been sorted out,and no mistake.)*

The robot women were totally obedient at all times and could be made to adopt various facial expressions and poses.These poses usually involved bending over in very short skirts and tops because this was found to add greatly to the drama of the episodes.Female viewers (real ones) often watched from behind the sofa,fearing for the brave companion as she tried to run away from the monsters in a bikini and high heels.

Barking mad Doctor Who fans high on jelly-babies at a convention

Barking mad Doctor Who fans high on jelly-babies at a convention

Doctor Who fans are the most loyal in the world of Sci-fi.In fact,some of them are madder than a handbag full of owls.Not content with collecting every single book,video,DVD,Dahlikk toy and Peter Davison underpants they can get their hands on,some of them even congregate in large buildings and argue about the most irrelevant details of the programme.Some of these fans try to outdo each other by boasting about the things they’ve done,like owning all the “lost” episodes,meeting Tom Baker in Argos and actually taking a trip in the TARDIS back to the 12th century to witness the discovery of Cup-A-Soup.

Others talk of the time they actually spoke to a girl…but nobody believes them.

Doctor Who,after lots and lots of years,is still going strong and is soon to have it’s 11th actor in the title role.Casting the part of  The Doctor has always been a big problem for the makers of the programme,so in 1993,after the TV Movie starring one of those McGann brothers who’ve been in everything but not the one you’re thinking of from that thing on telly,one of the other ones,it was decided,for the 9th,10th and 11th Doctors,to get any old twat with an Equity card.

Here’s to the next shedload of successful years for Doctor Who!!!

Dalek Invasion 2nd Phase-Operation Kitchen

Dalek Invasion 2nd Phase-Operation Kitchen

10.Katy Manning

In 1978 Katy Manning,who played companion Jo Grant opposite Jon Pertwee,posed naked with a Dalek for Girls Illustrated magazine.

Hmm….

That’s it really…

9.Peri’s Tits

These were twin companions to the 5th/6th Doctors,rumoured to belong to actress Nicola Bryant who played companion Peri Brown,who spent much of her time on Doctor Who poured into life-threateningly tight outfits in an attempt to get more men to watch the programme.Not that her face was ever seen,with cameramen preferring to zoom straight down her cleavage at every opportunity.This was a blatantly sexist move on the part of the show’s producers and I would have written a strongly worded letter of complaint if I’d had any feeling left in my right hand due to-…..umm that time I sprained it playing rugby…

8.I’m Gonna Spend My Christmas With A Dalek by The Go-Gos

Nothing to do with Belinda Carlisle’s first group,this was a 1960s novelty record realeased to cash-in on the Dalekmania craze.It contains the following verse-

I’m gonna spend my Christmas with a Dalek

And hug him underneath the miseltoe

And if he’s very nice,I’ll feed him sugar spice

And hang a Christmas stocking from his big left toe.

Really.

7.Beatrix Lehmann in The Stones Of Blood

This veteran actress played Professor Amelia Rumford in this 4th Doctor story and is remembered for one overriding characteristic….she is barking mad,and when you’re sharing a studio with Tom Baker,that’s some achievement.Indeed,Baker spends most of their scenes together in a state of bemused befuddlement because he’s finally found someone madder than he is.He met his eccentric match…Beatrix Lehmann out-Tom Bakered Tom Baker.

No mean feat.

6.The Moment My Son Saw The Light

Watch the episode “Dalek” (yes,the @dean_cummings one…read his blog,The Other Place,the link is over there).Rose,feeling sorry for the captive Dalek,allows it to escape and start bringing the pain.At one point  it sticks its plunger into a pc screen to suck up some juice from the mains.And why is this moment on this hallowed list?

Because this is the precise moment that my son became a Doctor Who fan.He exclaimed “This is cool” and came to snuggle up to me on the sofa.The torch had been passed.When I was his age I never dreamed that one day I’d be watching Doctor Who with my son.He made an old man very happy,and now he’s a confirmed Tennant fan,but despite that he’s a good kid.

5.My biscuit barrel is in the shape of the TARDIS.

Garibaldi Of The Daleks (yes I know they're custard creams)

Garibaldi Of The Daleks (yes I know they're custard creams)

4.Target novelisations

Imagine if you can a world without youtube,dvds,digital tv,even videos.

Welcome to the 1970s.

Repeats of Doctor Who were extremely rare,so how were we,the dribbling bespectacled fans,ever to get a glimpse of the hallowed early years?

By reading about them,in the paperback novelisations from Target books.

Usually only about 150 pages long,usually written by Terrance Dicks,and usually with a totally scary cover.

GIANT OCTOPUS!

GIANT OCTOPUS!

The best cover EVER

The best cover EVER

Virtually all of the original series’ stories were novelised in this way,and are as much a part of Doctor Who history as the programme itself.The book enabled the anorak-wearing masses to discover the stories shown before they were born.

Many fans will tell you of the near-orgasmic excitement of finding a rare Target book in a charity shop or jumble sale…it is a well known fact that all Doctor Who fans can spot one of these slim & sexy volumes sitting on an Oxfam shelf even if it’s crushed between a couple of Barbara Cartlands….it’s the white spine and Target logo,you see (see the top right of the books in the pics)…it means only one thing.Spot it a mile off.

153 different novelisations were published between 1973-1994….and I’ve got the bloody lot.

Every single buggering one…and they’re all arranged on my bookshelves in chronological order,as the stories were shown on television.

It’s a fan thing.

3.The Big Finish audio drama -“Red”

This is No.85 in the series of original Doctor Who dramas made by Big Finish.It stars Sylvester McCoy as the 7th Doctor and is in 4 parts.

And why is it on the list?

Mine’s signed by Bonnie Langford!!!!!!

2.The New Adventures

Nuttier than squirrel shit,The New Adventures were a range of original Doctor Who books released after the proper series ended between 1991 and 1997 by Virgin Books (who better to publish books for spotty,bespectacled Who fans…how did they know??)  Russell T.Davies wrote one called “Damaged Goods” which is one of the best…not sure what happened to his writing skills after that…? To give you a complete rundown of the utterly barking stuff that went on in them would take a blog of its own,and you’d have to be able to think like a hardcore Doctor Who fan….not something that one should enter into lightly.Once described as like “selling a dead horse to gullible anoraks” ,the books introduced Who fans to the most horrific,terrifying,smelly,scary,sticky monster the Doctor ever met…

….SEX!!!

And lots of it.And sometimes between two people of the same species.

I’ve got every one of them,too…

1.Jon Pertwee-Who Is The Doctor?

This is a 1972 single recorded by Jon Pertwee,and released on Deep Purple’s record label.Pertwee narrates  lyrics to the Doctor Who theme.

Oh wait…I forgot to tell you how totally,utterly,gob-smackingly,trouser-troublingly,effingly,completely and utterly sodding excellent it is.ONLY Jon Pertwee could have pulled this off…it’s the best version of the Who theme that never was.I could listen to it all day….and very often do.It sums up what Doctor Who is all about.

And here,for your viewing and listening pleasure,is that very same audio orgasm.

The Dalek Invasion Of My Bookcase

The Dalek Invasion Of My Bookcase

10.Watch the episode entitled DALEK,from the 9th Doctor’s season.After the opening credits,there is a scene where the characters are walking down a corridor.See that handsome young fellow with the clipboard? That’s Twitter’s very own @dean_cummings.Follow him on Twitter,he’s been in Doctor Who,the jammy blighter!!

9.Begonia Pope was the fruitily named woman who had the job of knitting Tom Baker’s scarf for his role as the 4th Doctor.A large quantity of wool was supplied to her,but sadly no pattern.Undaunted,she knitted the lot,and the rest is history.When they went round to her house to collect it they had to talk to her through the letterbox,they couldn’t open the door for scarf.

8.Doctor Who,a programme about time travel,even managed to predict the future itself-

Terror Of The Zygons,a 4th Doctor story,first aired in 1975.In one scene the Brigadier takes a phone call from the Prime Minister….to whom he replies “Yes Madam.” Cue much hilarity at the thought of there ever being a female PM.

The Daemons,a 3rd Doctor story from 1971,features a reporter from BBC3.Cue even more hilarity at the thought of the BBC ever being able to afford another channel.

Colony In Space,another 3rd Doctor story from 1971,features a scene where 2 technician types discuss the colony’s all round handyman whose name is Jim.This gives one of the characters the chance to say “Jim’ll fix it” and giggle at their funny BBC in-joke.

BUT…

Jim’ll Fix It starring Sir Jimmy Saville didn’t start until 1975…

7.Many scary moments are seared into my synapses.My fear of spiders comes from seeing the final Jon Pertwee story Planet of the Spiders at a far too young age(3)…although it’s proper title is Planet of the Big-Arse Spiders That’ll Will Scare A 4yr Old For Life.Another fun memory is visiting the now sadly defunct Who exhibition at Longleat at a very young age.I’d made it through the entrance ok,cunningly disguised as the TARDIS,happily gasping and oohing at the exhibits,ooh look a Dalek,ooh look a Zygon,ooh look a Krynoid,ooh shit it’s moving…cue swift exit crying and screaming.That was damn scary with all its tentacles and things moving and all that,even behind glass…because,after all,what’s a glass cabinet to something I had seen eat a house?

6.1983 Doctor Who’s 20th anniversary bash at Longleat…my mother and I queued for 3 hours to get Peter Davison’s autograph on my novelisation of  The Visitation,only to have him give me an (admittedly polite) ear-bashing because I dared to ask for a signed photo as well…you couldn’t have both apparently.Anyway I was too dumb-struck with adulation and fear to argue.And while we were waiting in line,Anthony Ainley,who played The Master,sauntered past and said to everyone “I hope you won’t have to wait too long” causing my mum to have a bit of a hot flush.AND I saw Bessie AND Sarah-Jane AND got my photo taken with a Sontaran AND…oooh loads of things…

5.The companions,specifically the female ones,were a great comfort to me throughout my teenage years.

Moving swiftly on…

4.Theme music.The Doctor Who theme was composed by Ron Grainer in 1963,and arranged by Delia Derbyshire of the Radiophonic Workshop.She used magnetic oscillators,tape loops and reverse effects to produce a unique sound that was unlike anything heard before,and is one of the first television themes to be created solely by electronic means.Much of the Doctor Who theme was constructed by recording the individual notes from electronic sources one by one onto magnetic tape, cutting the tape with a razor blade to get individual notes on little pieces of tape a few centimetres long and sticking all the pieces of tape back together one by one to make up the tune. This was a laborious process which took weeks.

Retro,yet futuristic….like the Doctor himself.

3.Earthshock.This 5th Doctor story starts off happily enough with a bunch of space soldier types in unrealistic uniforms doing something in a cave and hiding from killer robots.You would have been forgiven for thinking that this was going to be just another typical Doctor Who story.

But you would have been wrong.Very bloody wrong.

As the first episode draws to a close,we get to see through one of the robot’s point-of-view…and we see who’s been watching all this time…

The Cybermen.

NOBODY knew this was going to happen…it was an awesome unexpected moment,although I had suspected it earlier in the episode,because I wore glasses.This would not be possible today,because all the big moments are revealed months in advance…just imagine if you can a world without the internet.From this moment on,anything could happen…

And Holy Jelly Babies it did….they killed off a companion.Adric was stone buggering dead.

I didn’t cry though.Not much,anyway.

2.Jon Pertwee.There have only been 2 men in the history of the planet Earth that have been able to pull off the ruffled shirt look…Jimi Hendrix and Jon Pertwee.He is the coolest Doctor ever (but not the best).In his first ever episode,he steals a car.He liked to beat up his enemies with Venusian aikido.He was in the “one with the giant maggots”.Pertwee was the toughest of the Doctors but also the most stylish-he was more concerned with what he was going to wear than with learning his lines.Second best Doctor.

1.”It’s the end…but the moment has been prepared for…” Those are Tom Baker’s last words in his final story Logopolis.The 4th Doctor,the best,boldest,biggest,brashest,most bohemian and let’s face it,most often drunk Doctor Who ever was dying,having fallen from a radio telescope.A flashback shows his former companions…it was like a flashback of my own life….it felt like a part of me was dying as well,and I was only 10.Tom Baker had been an integral part of my young life for the past seven years…and when you’re that young,seven years is a bloody long time.

Logopolis is his finest hour.He looks absolutely knackered throughout it…the pressures of being a living legend taking their toll…ready to hang his scarf up for good.It’s the best ever regeneration scene…only fitting for the best Doctor.

And the music during this scene makes me well up every time.

Every time.