Posts Tagged ‘kids’

Tesco Rage Sweeps The Nation!!!

Posted: September 27, 2009 in Life
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IMGIn May of this year,Robert Caton,a 50 year old gentleman from Andover in Hampshire,went up to a security guard in his local Tesco and asked him how long it would take to evacuate the building.

That was shortly before he drove his Rolls Royce through the supermarket window after drinking two bottles of whisky,causing £21,000 worth of damage,and the store lost £41,000 in sales as they cleared up the mess.

It took him 2 go’s to smash through the window.

Six women suffered cuts,bruises and shock and a woman who was 20 weeks pregnant had to go to hospital.

Apparently,he had “simply snapped.”

The court heard he had “saved-up” for a bed and cupboard for his 3yr old son’s bedroom,but the mattress he thought would come with it did not arrive.

Hmmm…..I know how he feels,although I’ve never resorted to ram-raiding Tesco….blowing the bloody place up perhaps…

Thankfully today’s trip was not this eventful,although the Mother Unit did at one point say that having my son and myself with her was like taking 2 kids shopping…we weren’t THAT naughty,honest ;).

Comic relief was provided by a lady who’s trolley was so full she was having trouble pushing the bloody thing,and was not being helped by her husband/boyfriend/significant other who preferred to just watch.

BUT I forgot to get cup-a-soups….

What else did I do over the weekend….well,played videogames with my son,thought about my girlfriend,played cards,told my son about my girlfriend,went out to town,bored my son by telling him about my girlfriend a bit more….came back,drove my son up the wall by dropping interesting snippets of information about my girlfriend in to the conversation….very packed weekend really.

Oh did I tell you I’m going back up to “that London” to see her in a couple of weeks?

I’m a citizen of the universe,me….I have no fear about travelling to the big city..if you knew what was waiting for me,you’d be on the first bus out too.

I’d be quite happy to WALK there….but luckily National Express offer very reasonable rates.

Hmm…I seem to have wandered off topic a tad….do I look like I give a monkeys??

To recap…mad bloke drives his Roller through Tesco window….that’s it.

See you next time !!!

And now,tea.

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Perfect Day

Posted: August 31, 2009 in Life, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Perfect Day…what comes into your mind when you hear those words? Lou Reed,probably…hopefully,because it is a classic song.

“Oh it’s such a perfect day…..I’m glad I spent it with you.”

It may just be me,but that song has always depressed me….today may have been a “perfect day”…but what about the future?

Today may have been perfect…but tomorrow won’t be…we’re just putting a brave face on things.

Hmmm….always looking to the future,me….I can never just “live in the moment.”

I can’t “let myself go” as the old dears at the granny party tried to make me do.

Is it even possible to just enjoy “the moment?” To have fun for fun’s sake? I suppose you can if you’re not a miserable old bugger like me…but I live in hope of experiencing a Perfect Day,perhaps even with someone else.

I can think of someone I would like to have a Perfect Day with…more of that later. 😉

But first,with a little help from my friends,a recreation of the BBC’s (admittedly schmaltzy) multi-celeb version of Perfect Day in blog form.—–By Wyn

So…a blog with the theme of “perfect day”. I thought about this for a while and after an initial blast of Lou Reeds song;

Oh it’s such a perfect day, I’m glad I spent it with you.”

in this instance a perfect day being one spent with someone who means a lot to him (I’m ignoring the ideas it’s about his drug use). I started to move onto other thoughts about what a perfect day means to me.

I don’t happen to have a special someone in my life at the moment but don’t feel that this stops me from being able to enjoy a “perfect day”.

So I thought some more….

Now, hoping I don’t sound too clichéd, actually I feel that every day in life (even the really sh***y ones) have some aspects of perfection about them. Now before you think “yeah, yeah she’s obviously had an easy time of life” I haven’t. Life has dealt me quite a lot of “challenging times” but every day has taught me something (when I’ve gotten over the hysteria or intense weeping!). There is something beautiful and perfect in everyday and embracing that helps me realise EVERY day is perfect.——By Emma

Perfect day(for Emyr’s 50TH! oldie :P):
What exactly is a perfect day?Is it when its sunny and cool, or is it when rain is hammering down and you get to spend quality time with your family because your to scared to go outdoors? Is a perfect day like that song by all the singers suggest.Is it like the video to that song?Is it none of these things?something completely different maybe?
Want to know what I think? Course you don’t. But I’m going to tell you anyway.

A perfect day is a mix of all the things I previously said.A perfect day is where there is a drizzle of rain in the morning before you go out to see your mates and when you do go out the sun shines but the early morning drizzle helps keep the air cool and fresh. A perfect day is spending time with the people you love and care about,Just talking,Like most of us have forgotten to do.And a perfect day is going out and enjoying life whilst you can. Live for today work for tomorrow 😀    By Shanna

I think I have probably had perfect days which may have seemed pretty ordinary at the time and were certainly not pre-planned to be anything particularly special and I think this is probably the key to their specialness – the lack of planning and expectation and the sense of simply going with the flow of life. For example one of the nicest days I can remember was spent on Dartmoor walking with my other half. We got up in the morning, decided it was a good day for a hike, packed a very simple picnic and off we went. The day was spent admiring the natural beauty on our doorstep and spending real quality time with each other and talking to each other about real stuff, not whether we needed milk or if the bins had been put out but real conversation that everyday life quite often precludes. But on the other hand, days that you might expect to be perfect, like your wedding day for example are often so well planned or so anticipated that the real beauty of life and the joy of spontaneity and the unknown are lost. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my wedding day and it is one of the most memorable in my life but it was also a bit stressful (being centre of attention is not my thing!) and as we had been thinking about, planning and living it for months in advance in the end it could never have been everything we expected or envisaged.
So, what am I trying to say here? I don’t know, I probably shouldn’t be allowed to witter on longer than 140 characters but I guess the gist of my message is that we shouldn’t plan our lives too much, shouldn’t worry too much about the future and make sure we spend quality time with the ones we care about. If we do this we might all just have perfect days more often.—– By Lisa

It’s been a long, hard night’s work. You’ve been at it since sunset, and now the sun is rising again. 12 hours is a long time without a break. As the sky greys, you’re impossibly tired and wondering how this next day is going to pan out, whether you’re going to make it through. But then, in a heartbeat, everything changes. In one breath the day becomes absurdly magical. It only takes one tell-tale sound for you to know you you’ve made it. One cry. And at the end of that cry you’re looking at a brand new person. And that tiny brand new person is looking right back at you. This is their first day, and you know you’re going to do your damnedest to make it perfect.—– By Beccy

My perfect day is simple… Me and my best friend. We do not get to meet as much sadly because of how life gets busy, but every time we meet and make a day out of it you have no idea where we shall end up and how much fun we shall have! From going to Stonehenge, Balloon Festival, Banksy, to just random strolls around London, taking pictures, yapping away, or just discussing life and its philosophies over a cuppa! This is my idea of a perfect day… a perfect day with my best friend :)—– By Sami
I think it’s psychologically impossible to have a perfect day on a Monday.
The invisible Monday monkeys see to that, that’s why were all grumpy on a Monday, little did you know that the Monday monkeys are constantly annoying us.

Having a perfect day on a Tuesday is possible but uncool, bit like marrying someone called Eric Winterbottom.

Wednesday is the piggy, I’d be much happier having a good day on Wednesday simply because the perfect day would probably be winning the lottery, and thus mid-week would be a perfect time to tell people that “I’m never coming back to work”, “stick it up your trumpet”, and “sorry I actually think you look like a fool!”

I’ll have two days then to get ready for the weekend. Perfect!

Oh Friday and Saturday too late! Sunday sleeping!—–By Dean


The day would start early, with me waking from a dream where I had been flying and swooping over beaches and mountains. I’d be in a great mood, not tired and not hungry, so I wouldn’t have to waste time with breakfast. I wouldn’t have to mess around having a shower, as I’d already be fragrant and clean, with perfect make up and I’d have long hair, tied in a pony tail.
My Mum would turn up to feed the animals and stay with them and, once I’d kissed her on the cheek, I’d teleport out of there. There would be portals in all my close Twitter friends’ houses and I’d go round to each of them and gather them up with me for a picnic. They would all be ready, so I wouldn’t have to wait.
We’d arrive under a willow tree, by a stream with a bridge over it and there would be hampers of food. I wouldn’t have to eat a sandwich first before my ice cream…as I’m now grown up and can do what I want. There would be junk food for everyone but no alcohol…we’d just be on a natural high.
Then, across the bridge would come loads of different animals of all species..wild ones, domesticated ones etc. They would all be tame, and I’d cuddle them and hold them, and look into their eyes to see what I could learn.
It would now be afternoon and everyone would teleport back to their homes. When I got to my house my animals would come to greet me and there would also be Basil, my guinea pig who died a few weeks ago. I’d pick him up and kiss his little face and smell his belly and tell him how much I’ve missed him. I’d feed him his favourite veggies and never let him go.
All afternoon I would be sitting on the floor with my pets and watching musicals that I’d sing along to…especially ones with cockney songs in. I’d then watch a few episodes of Worzel Gummidge.
Towards early evening, my clothes would change into something sexy but classy, just before my favourite man from Twitter teleported in. We would have a candlelit dinner at the table, but it would be a take away and there’d be plenty of tea and lemonade. We’d then go through to the living room and relax on the sofa to watch classic episodes of Doctor Who, and maybe also a really good sci-fi film.
Just before midnight we would go outside and lie on the trampoline watching the stars and talking about the Universe…there would be loads of shooting stars and it would be magical. He’d kiss me very gently and romantic music would suddenly appear in the background, like it does in the films …but then he’d have to go home.
Still smiling I would come in, go to bed and snuggle with all my animals (especially Basil) and fall asleep to dream about my Twitter crush and how happy I am.—–By Josi
It’s me again.
I’ve finally thought about my idea of a “perfect day”…it would be to make someone else have a Perfect Day.To make someone else happy.I’m far too old and miserable to enjoy myself….if I can bring joy into someone’s life,my son for example,then everyday will be perfect.
I would like to thank everyone who contributed to this blog.I hope you enjoyed it. :)——By Wyn


RUBBERDUCKZILLA!!!

RUBBERDUCKZILLA!!!

Hmmm…another successful weekend with my bestest little boy.Here’s a quick rundown of the scrapes and japes we got into.

He’s 13 in November…a scary prospect.

But is it as scary as a 100-foot tall Japanese rubber duck who hates water?

My son and I have a mild addiction to this particular commercial,and we watched it more times than is healthy on YouTube.According to some of the comments,there is rather more to this ad than just a refreshing alternative to water.It may be a metaphor for an alternative lifestyle,specifically an alternative sexual lifestyle.

Or do some people read too much into these things?

Saturday was a great day for stupidity collectors.One of our favourite pastimes is going up and down in the lift in Marks

HELP!

HELP!

& Spencers…don’t ask.On this particular occasion we entered the lift only to be greeted by a group of about 6 people who,according to them,had been stuck in the lift and had been going up and down about 4 times,unable to open the doors.

This trip could be exciting,I thought to myself.I will finally get the chance to tweet about getting stuck in a lift.

Upon reaching the ground floor,the spokesman of the group of hostages asked me to open the door by pressing the “open doors” switch (stop me if I’m getting too technical),which I was only too happy to do…and the doors opened.Now…apart from the fact that this lot couldn’t manage to do this,which caused me a lot of amusement (I’m like that),shouldn’t the doors have opened automatically?  They always have before when I’ve been in it…any lift experts please get in touch.

OUCH!

OUCH!

I have always had weak ankles….my joints are made from balsa wood.

I was painfully reminded of this on Sunday afternoon on our way home from my parent’s house,as my left foot had a funny five minutes and decided to slip off the kerb and fold itself underneath me.This has happened to me before,most embarrassingly in a previous job where I managed to combine twisting my ankle with falling down a flight of stairs,in plain view of everybody.

Many’s the time I’ve been laid up with a bag of frozen peas (I hate sprouts) strapped to my ankle,but I was spared that fun this time.Luckily I didn’t have to send my son to call an ambulance while I writhed in agony on the pavement.It is a source of constant amazement that I have never broken an ankle or indeed any bone in my body.I’m a kind of Anti-Jackie Chan.

I shall be going to meet my maker with very few scars,and that’s just the way I like it.

Next time-Marjorie’s back!!