Posts Tagged ‘lightbulbs’

subliminal advertising...

This blog in no way endorses the excellent products produced by Apple

I have absolutely nothing to blog about today,so please forgive me if I make random shit up.

Ooh I know…seeing that this blog has been going for about a fortnight,how about a few updates to previous blogs with some funny photos that i’ve spent all bloody afternoon finding because I have no life?

No?

Sod ya then….because you’re getting it.

First up…a gross error of judgement.

Calendar fail…Alkie-Neighbour’s birthday party is TONIGHT.

The grannies have been ominously massing since midday.Worse still,they all know which house I live in,and I swear I saw a few of them look lustily in the general direction of my front door.

My life is in great danger…I saw the Octo-Drunk making sausage rolls earlier.

I fear the aged,wrinkled face at the door…the hideously gnarled hand upon my knocker.

I got her a card…stuck it through her box earlier,then legged it.I’ll pretend to be out for the rest of the evening,that should do it.

On a related not,I still have no light in the living room or landing.I haven’t been able to psych myself up to go and buy bulbs…although this may help me out this evening…hmmm…nice coincidence.

Talking of dolphins,I received a brochure in the post today about Community Education Courses.As I was about to funny-pictures-hermione-cat-knows-all-the-answersrecycle this delirious tome,I paused…and decided to give it a cursory glance.And I’m mightily glad I did because I am now going to sign up to a £50,ten-week course to teach me how to sell on eBay,while squeezing in a bit of pilates,yoga and introduction to massage…and perhaps a bit of lacemaking.

Ooh and belly-dancing…I need a bit of that.

On a more sobering note,it appears my last post caused a bit of a stir.Aspersions were cast on The Blog Dog’s kind and loving nature.

In short,that The Blog Dog was,in no uncertain terms,a “Bad Arse.”

I know,I know…I’m shocked too.

These accusations are completely false…The Blog Dog is NOT a “bad arse” of any kind,but would like to point out thatfpfanimal0 the extremely handsome young man who types out his blogs,known only as sabbathdei,is a complete and utter “bad arse” but nice with it.That is all.

And to bring this swiftly to a close because I fancy a cuppa,I’m still not married,still can’t drive,still love Duran Duran and am still totally single.

I thank you.

Next time…I’ll think of something serious to write about,I promise…

100! Watt?

Posted: July 28, 2009 in Life
Tags: , ,

64246-funny-pictures-lightbulb-cat-get-a-lifeMy living room bulb just conked out.

Not in the usual way,where you flick the switch and it spectacularly futs out with a satisfying “ting”.

It just sort of came on,flickered a bit,and then kinda faded out….like it’s precious lifeforce had been drained out of it…

Rather sad,really…

Mind you,my living room light switch tasted blood a long time ago….it never misses a chance to satisfy its bulb lust.I cannot honestly remember ever having to change a bulb in any other room of the house…and I’ve been here nearly 13 years.

It is voracious.

But that’s not really the point I’m trying to make…because thanks to our lovely government,we are now unable to toddle to the electrical shop and purchase lovely bright and shiny 100 watt bulbs which has been our God-given right for so many years.

They want us instead to invest in “energy-saving” bulbs,because,according to a government white-paper on the subject,every time you switch on a 100 watt bulb,a fairy dies.And so in order to protect the fairies of Planet Earth,we have to use these-

Tri-Prong & Mr.Whippy,The Happy Bulb Men,yesterday...

Tri-Prong & Mr.Whippy,The Happy Bulb Men,yesterday...

Scientifically proven to be kind to fairies and other imaginary woodland creatures,(Hobbits,Aslan,The Big Bad Wolf etc…)they also last for 47,789 years and make you irresistible to the opposite sex…which is handy because,as you’ll know if you’ve actually used them,they make your house look like a Soho shop front.

My only experience with them is from a free sample I got in the post,a box of three Tri-Prongs.

I broke 2 trying to fit the fekkers.They’re as fragile as a very fragile thing…like an eggshell,and apparently they contain small traces of Mercury…lovely.

I tried one in my living room,one of the minus 10 watts buggers which are supposed to be equivalent to 60 watts.

This is not true.The “light” was vomit-inducingly gloomy.

They say they take a while to “warm-up” to full strength…also false.

I put it in the bathroom light…unless I start taking baths at midnight it should be OK.

My father absolutely swears by them,fitted them all over my parent’s house.

And why,you may ask,has my old man fallen for the government’s evil ploy?

Simple….these bulbs are as cheap as fekkin chips,otherwise he wouldn’t touch ’em.My local Lidl was selling a box of 10 for about 40p.

Hmm…

Tomorrow I shall take a walk to my local independent electrician….he’s still selling 100 watt bulbs,something that will probably soon be a crime,so he has to shift them before he gets his collar felt.

Lightbulbs…..illegal lightbulbs…

Anyone know how many candles I’d need to reach 100 watts?

Next time….A History of Cup-A-Soup