Posts Tagged ‘PCs’

subliminal advertising...

…there are a few of its products that would test the faith of even the most fanatical Steve Jobs disciples,namely-

  1. THE MACBOOK AIR-It’s a MacBook…it’s thin…that’s it.Nowhere near as sexy as the white MacBook or as beefy as the MacBook Pro,the Air is the laptop equivalent of another entry in this dubious list,the iPad….looks all lovely and shiny but you cannot think of even one reason why you should buy one other than to show off.We’ve all heard the story about the American pillock who allegedly put his Air on top of some newspapers on his coffee table and “accidentally” threw it out in the rubbish.Most likely,he realised he’d bought a turkey and devised a way for him to get rid of it while getting a bit of fame at the same time…it isn’t even that thin or that light.Talking of which…
  2. THE IPAD-sadly not a kind of iPhone/sanitary towel mash-up,more an iPhone for someone with really big hands,the iPad is for people who want to have the apps they never use on their iPhones,but bigger.Obviously brought out by Apple in order to get a slice of the growing e-book market,it’s not quite a laptop,not quite anything really…except maybe a very expensive coffee-table paperweight-the top of the range with 3G and wi-fi is £699.If you think that’s a reasonable price to pay to read online newspaper articles from the comfort of your armchair because you’re to lazy to walk to your computer,than good luck to you….just don’t take it outside with you,because if you’re not mugged then you’ll realise the major drawback to the iPad and indeed the iPhone…no 3G,no happiness.Believe me I know…my mother’s house is a kind of technology black hole from whence no signal can escape.I keep on at her to get broadband,but she’s still struggling with BBC 2.And talking of television-
  3. APPLE TV-do you actually know anyone with one of these? If,for some strange reason,you want to watch your Lady Gaga videos or the vastly overpriced films you bought from iTunes on your main television,you can use the Apple TV to stream it down the intertubes.Quite frankly,if you’re buying films and TV series from iTunes,then you are stupid….or rich…or a stupid rich person,so it’s probably only fitting that you have a special gadget that costs £233 to watch them on.Maybe you’d like one of these,too-
  4. IPOD NANO-The 16GB version costs £138 and is a must for people who like squinting at Beyonce’s latest video or that film they took of their neighbour sunbathing topless,because the shiny new Nano now records video onto a miniscule screen.Think of the hours of fun to be had watching Avatar on a one-inch screen.Ooh and it’s got a radio and a pedometer!!! Much more useful and fun is the iPod Shuffle…totally bereft of buttons or screen,a disembodied voice,in the manner of a slightly more urbane Stephen Hawking, announces the name of the song you’re listening to,in case,like me,you download any old crap without actually checking what it is first.Or you’ve only got a 5 second memory.

Even though I worship at the altar of Apple,and regularly make pilgimages to the Apple Store in Cardiff,I’m kind of glad that there have been problems with the new iPhone 4,because Apple was starting to resemble the Evil Empire,and needed a kick in their complacency.They don’t want to get TOO big,because there’s only one way to go from there.Poor old Microsoft are being left behind,quite rightly,I think,because people are turning away from clunky old PCs and wonky Windows,and instead buying into the Apple ethic…stone-cold sexy gear that has a uniform identity that works (well sometimes,but more often than a PC.) If you’ve stood face-to-face with a 27″ iMac,then you’ll know what I’m talking about.Sexier than Eva Mendes smothered in strawberry cheescake,I’m going to get one when I can find a buyer for my kidneys.

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Techno-Fear!!!

Posted: August 6, 2009 in Geekgasm, Life
Tags: , , ,
Why Vista isn't as good as XP....

Toshiko soon regretted upgrading to Windows 7...

I am writing this while Twitter is in the shitter,so forgive me if I make it up as I go along,because obviously I can’t live without The Twit.

Anyway…think random.

My mummy is not exactly what you’d call a geek.

She is the Anti-Geek.

She thinks a cashpoint machine (Instant American Translation Service-an ATM) is like something from space.Once when I showed her the aerial view of her house on Google Earth,which I had marked with one of those pointy pin things,she asked-

“How do they know where I live?”

I explained…well,tried to…there’s no point really.Fair play,she must have been bricking it thinking she was being spied on.

When I was thinking of getting rid of one of my old PCs (I have 2 PCs…what can I say,I’m a man of means) and I was fretting over any sensitive data still left on it,my mother said-

“Well you can at least get rid of the keyboard because there’s no data on there.”

I had to agree…after all,plastic is not known for it’s data storage properties.

I could list many more examples,but I don’t want to scare you.

Thankfully,The Mother Unit has already gone digital…lovely new LCD telly with freeview and all that jazz.This is in the living room…there is also a seriously retro portable telly in the other room,which very soon is going to entertain my parents no more,when the analogue signal is switched off later this month.

This has already happened in the US of A….despite the fact that everyone knew it was coming for years,telephone helplines were still in meltdown due to the number of people calling for help because they couldn’t watch “America’s Fattest Dogs” or whatever.

This will probably happen here,even though shops have been flogging “HD Ready” TVs for bloody years.Incidentally,the phrase “HD Ready” really grinds my gears…getting “ready” for something means it’s going to happen in the future…well I thought HD TV programmes were already here? This reminds me of a gentleman in America who purchased an HD Ready TV,and was very happy with it…until he switched it on.It transpires that he thought the phrase HD Ready meant that he would be able to watch “America’s Next Top Daft-As-A-Brush Model” in high definition straight “out-of-the-box” as the saying goes…but no,you have to subscribe to a HD service,like Sky HD or whatever…nobody had told the poor blighter this.

I dare say he had a refund.

I can’t wait to hear stories of grannies bombarding the switchboards because they can’t watch Cash in The Attic on their black & white portables.(We used to have one of them when I was a nipper….you had to twist a knob to switch channels.) This is the dreaded demon Human Nature…tell people that aliens are invading and they won’t believe it until E.T.turns up at their door with an anal probe and a pot of Vaseline.

(Hmmm…I’ve managed to turn the conversation around to aliens again…but at least there are no Daleks in this post.Or Cup-A-Soups.Yet.)

OK….rant time.

I have Sky+….the 3rd most important,bestest and totally excellent invention in the history of the planet,after Doctor Who and women.The technology is unsurpassed…but once again our old friend Human Nature rears his ugly head…300 channels available and all of them total shite.It’s coming to something when,in the 21st century,the only things worth watching on telly are repeats of sitcoms from 30 years ago.Do programme makers really think we want to watch “The Most Horrible Things Pulled Out Of People’s Arses 4?” No wonder people spend most of their time on the intertubes.

Ah…I needed that.

Ooh it looks as if Twitter has done its business and come back to life,so I shall love you and leave you.

Especially you…:)