THIS!
“Teetotal” is strange word.
Why do people like myself need to have their own word so those who drink can can group them together and point at them?
Is drinking really that important and so ingrained in the public consciousness that there has to be a special word if you don’t do it? Well yes it is…everybody does it,and they do it a lot,or so the government would have us believe.It makes me feel abnormal.People do look at me strangely,as I found out to my cost in the OAP piss up I went to a couple of weekends back.I felt like a weird lifeform that had just landed.In order to shut them up I had a single glass of champagne (into which had been added an alarming “tot” of cassis,whatever that is) to toast the old girl’s birthday (even though it wasnt her birthday…but that’s another story) but that was the first alcohol to pass my lips in over two years.And will be for the next two years.
And before you ask,yes,I did enjoy it.I didn’t want to drink it at all….but the grannies had,by this point,become increasingly restless and scary.
So am I actually teetotal?
Hmmm….time to set myself some ground rules,then.I’ll pretend it never happened,that should keep my conscience happy.
NOT THIS!
I never go out but if I did I could still have a good time without having to go home in an ambulance.To be honest I hate the taste of alcohol.I only put up with it for so long in order to be “social”…whatever that means…not wanting to look bad in front of my friends I suppose.I worked my way through several beverages in my younger days,from cider through to Bacardi,vodka,Southern Comfort,and finally settling on Jack Daniels (which I only started drinking because I was with a group of people and wanted to impress them with my choice of alcohol) But luckily I liked Jack Daniels…he was a good friend to me for many years. I used to dabble with wine when the opportunity arose.I’m amazed that people can drink so much of it,especially red wine….it is vile.
Speaking of which,the worst I’ve ever been after drinking was when myself and a couple of friends went to Alton Towers for the weekend.For some reason,though probably in order not to look bad,I downed several cans of lager,something which I’ve never even liked.We all had about 10 cans each,and retired to my friend’s estate car which we were sleeping in.
We spent the rest of the night taking it in turns to vomit out of the doors.Nice….like a kind of synchronised puking team.
We still managed to survive the rides the next day,though.We had purged ourselves the night before.Nothing untoward came up on the Corkscrew.
Another notable time was at a colleague’s leaving do…I can’t remember much about the night,but the next day,on which of course I had to work,I spent most of the day shaking and shuffling around like Ozzy Osbourne.I think I had the DT’s..I don’t even know what they are but I think I had them.
Right…I’ve decided.No more champagne with 60 year-old ladies.
A typical scene in Carmarthen...every bloody night...
It’s orange juice all the way.
They’ll just have to think of another way to get me into bed.
Next time–hopefully I will have stopped laughing at this ———–>
recycle this delirious tome,I paused…and decided to give it a cursory glance.And I’m mightily glad I did because I am now going to sign up to a £50,ten-week course to teach me how to sell on eBay,while squeezing in a bit of pilates,yoga and introduction to massage…and perhaps a bit of lacemaking.
the extremely handsome young man who types out his blogs,known only as sabbathdei,is a complete and utter “bad arse” but nice with it.That is all.
On Saturday night I discovered what had hitherto been missing from my life…the image of my 80 year-old neighour falling on her arse whilst attempting to remove a Jim Reeves CD from her hi-fi and replace it with a Daniel O’Donnell one while also pissed on gin.
TROPICAL MOMENTS 