Posts Tagged ‘tea’

This isn’t very interesting but it does have a photo of Tennant (not my idea) for the ladies,(but obviously not for Doctor Who fans because he has nothing to do with it) and lots of stats and stuff to show you how many wonderful peeploids worried my blog last year.

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

The average container ship can carry about 4,500 containers. This blog was viewed about 19,000 times in 2010. If each view were a shipping container, your blog would have filled about 4 fully loaded ships.

In 2010, there were 28 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 110 posts. There were 53 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 4mb. That’s about 1 pictures per week.

The busiest day of the year was February 17th with 559 views. The most popular post that day was Has Anyone Seen Our David…?.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were community.livejournal.com, twitter.com, blogsurfer.us, facebook.com, and spam-filtering-service.net-us.info.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for cheryl cole, underground map, london underground, lady gaga, and captain pugwash.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

Has Anyone Seen Our David…? February 2010
2 comments

2

GaGa Ooh La La! December 2009
2 comments

3

Sci-Fi’s Unsung Heroes #53,627 – Ensign Ro Laren August 2009
2 comments

4

Star Wars Episode VII-A New Blog September 2009
2 comments

5

The One About Not Drinking August 2009
1 comment

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Alright dudes ?

Hola!

‘Tis I-El Perro Blog…reporting from the London Underground,and my Mornington Crescent lair… and I am one year old !!

Yes,adventure-fans..it was one year ago (almost) today that I was found,swaddled in a copy of Razzle,on the doorstep of 10 Downing Street,having fallen through a rift in the time-space continuum following my battle with the Daleks on Uranus.(I have to do ALL the work while Tennant gets all the glory…and my wife,but that’s another story)

But there is no time for a detailed origin story this week….another time maybe…if I can be arsed.

Not only do I have to advertise for another maid/cleaner/cook/tea-maker/asbestos cleaner/toenail-cutter,but I also need to finish my profile on this intertubenet dating site I’ve joined-PlentyofDogs.com,because I haven’t had a bit for months…and you wouldn’t believe the dust on the platform.I’ve decided to combine the two jobs,that of lover and caretaker.

My ad reads – “Handsome Immortal Adventurer In Time & Space Seeks Sex-Mad Bitch To Make Tea And Sweep Up”

Haven’t had many replies yet…

Anyway…what can you expect from the upcoming year?

Excitement,adventure and rampant sauciness,that’s what!!

And if I can pull my finger out,more pelvic-floor-testing escapades from my unbelievable life !!!

THE BLOG DOG-like a nun with dwarfism ramming a box of chalk up your crevice…sexier than Eva Mendes carrying a Tesco bag filled with custard creams…the feeling you get when you realise you CAN marry your iMac…the Blog Dog is all these things,and yet more..

Until next time,jollies-junkies !!!

‘Tis I,The Blog Dog…the dog’s dog,the Hocus bloke,the lad himself,the cosmic dick,the mutt’s nuts,here to celebrate my blog reaching the ton! Deidre and I would like to thank all of my fear-fans for their faultless following of my adventures over the past 99 blogs.The little woman and I are currently on holiday in a flashback in Devon,so the blog has been left in the hairy palms of my slave, Rizla…but fear not!! I am,at this very moment,while Deidre puts the dinner on,banging out another existential episode of the orgasmically exciting Marjorie Misnomer series.I do enjoy banging one out of an afternoon..anyway…I’ve also commissioned that fine piece of brainy crackling,Bettany Hughes,to write my life story which will be appearing in the pages of this very blog in the not too distant future,if she can pull her finger out.AND as if that wasn’t enough to make you wet yourself unselfconsciously,I’m also working on the next cranium-cracking chapter of The Necronomnomicon…get in!!!

The future is here,the future is me…a peristaltic smack in the mush,a bunch of fives,madder than a cartload of arseholes,the pan-dimensional scream of terror,the piece of blue cheese you found under the cooker,the standing-in-the-middle-of-Tesco-with an-itchy-arse feeling of helplessness…I am the Hound of the Baskervilles,humping your leg…quite simply,The Blog Dog!

happy_faceI speak to you today,Constant Reader,as an official Happy Person.

😀 I’m that happy.

But it hasn’t always been so.

There was a time,only a few months back,even,when you could say I had given up caring about anything.I certainly never dreamed that I would find someone so beautiful and special to share my life with…that was the last thing on my mind.

I was too busy feeling sorry for myself to feel anything for someone else.

But now I have someone.

Now…I’m actually looking forward to the future,all the things we will be able to do together (stop sniggering at the back,there)….I mean going places and doing stuff…even normal,everyday stuff like shopping for teabags…which of course is a vitally important aspect of life,but you know what I mean.

I’m sure my son will now stop nagging me about getting a girlfriend…as he used to say when he was little-“Daddy,I’ve got two Daddies,but why have I only got one Mummy?” (He lives with his mother and stepfather.)

I couldn’t answer.

But now I can…although it may alarm my girlfriend (ooh…”my girlfriend”…that sounds good) to know that the last time I was in a proper relationship,about 6 years ago,my son asked her when we were getting married.

Fast working little matchmaker,my boy.

He demands results.

Anyway,I don’t want to spoil anybody’s dinner by banging on about my wonderful love-life….but it is my blog after all,and it should be about things that happen in my life,and not comedy pug dogs….(even though those blogs are incredibly funny and well worth a read if you have not already done so)…what I’m trying to say is,if I can find someone to put up with my strange ways,then anybody can.

By way of explanation,I used to look like this in school-

Hello ladies...

Hello ladies...

NHS glasses….yeah,should most definitely have gone to Specsavers…but Specsavers hadn’t been invented yet,so I was stuck with these easily breakable free plastic specs.

I went through quite a few pairs over the years.

Looking through the boxes of old photos at the Mother Unit’s house,I came across some real horrors from my younger years….and this one isn’t even the worst of them.

I mean,just look….not what you’d call “girl-bait” exactly….I like to think I’ve improved with age…I couldn’t exactly get any bloody worse,to be honest…

Bargain-basement Ronnie Corbett…that was the look I “rocked” during my school-life.

Which look am I rocking now,I hear you ask?

Poor man’s George Clooney….got the grey hair and everything…and we have the same birthday…6th May…what more do you need?

Anyway…that’s it….I need a brew and a biccie,in that order….so expect me to be in a perpetual good mood from now on,you will probably hate me and long for the days of murderous vegetables and cup-a-soups.

Be good,grown-ups !!! 🙂

Wales,as a country,doesn’t really do summer.

It certainly didn’t bother with it this year,but has decided to have a bit of a go at it this week…just to see what it’s like.

Yes…it’s September and it’s bloody boiling,even at night.

Actually it’s been like this for a few years…totally rubbish July and August then lovely weather in September.

Even I cannot resist the heat any longer…I am wearing shorts.

Yes…you have every right to be scared,for I have British legs…white as snow and what’s even worse,only slightly hairy so you can see all my pimples.As my mother said today in Tesco….”I need a bit of gravy browning on those legs.”

‘Tis true.

Although,if Tesco’s customers are anything to go by,I need not worry….let’s just say that some people most definitely shouldn’t wear shorts,or even appear in public in hot weather.Simple as that.

It’s gratifying that my legs aren’t as bad as some.

Anyhoo…today’s trip to Tesco-hell had an extra added ingredient…my Uncle wanted to buy a digital telly!!!

Now,my uncle is not what you’d call an impulsive buyer.He likes to “shop around”…and indeed had already done so before we entered Currys.He had a list of TV’s he’d seen in other shops,subdivided by price,screen size,value for money etc……buying a telly is a serious business for my uncle.

I did suggest doing a bit of “comparethemarket” online,but as the telly he wanted was Matsui,and only available in Currys,this was not an option.Online is the first place I go when I want to buy something,but my mother and uncle (brother & sister) can come up with a dozen reasons why online shopping is more expensive and dangerous and you wouldn’t believe what else….it makes you pregnant as well,probably.

We had a look at the tellies in Currys,then went to Tesco…on the way out of Currys,a staff member asked my uncle if he needed any help,as they do,and he said “I’ve seen the one I want,now I’m going to see if I can get it cheaper somewhere else.”

Would you have the balls to say that? I probably wouldn’t.Anyway it turned out he couldn’t get it cheaper anywhere else,so we went back to Currys after the Hell-shop and he finally bought the bloody television.

Now all he has to do is work the blooming thing.

I dread the day he wants to buy a computer.

The Tesco mission was mercifully horror-free,probably because of the weather…slightest bit of sun and the whole town goes down the beach.The Uncle doesn’t just limit his shopping savvy to electrical goods though…you know the bit on the shelf tickets that tell you how much,say,each toilet roll is in a pack of 12 or whatever…he reads those,then does a bit of mental calculation,compares the other brands for value for money,says things like,”well if I got that one,it’s still not as good as if I got 2 of the ones on special offer,because I’d have more for the same price as that one at twice the price etc etc .”

The Mother Unit is exactly the same….I go through this every week….and you know what supermarkets are like,they do BOGOFs like mad to get you to buy things you wouldn’t normally buy.

And if there is an item for sale with a wrong ticket,if something has been increased in price but the ticket shows the lower price,then my mother and uncle will find it….Tesco is as big as an airport,yet they can zero in on them with radar-like precision.

Is that all they can do?

Of course not….they have skills.

If there is a person at one of the checkouts who has bought something that has a problem with it,or they are causing a delay for some reason,my mother will find them..not just in Tesco,but in every bloody shop.Many is the time she’s told me “oh I was in Boots (or wherever) the other day and there was this woman in front of me making a fuss about something she had bought and there was something wrong with it etc etc.”

My mother is a magnet for trouble……she can find people making scenes in shops from 5 miles away.

Myself,I tend to avoid such things if I can…I like to watch the proceedings from a distance,but the mother likes to get in the thick of it.

But overall,it was a good day…I didn’t have to ram anyone out of the way.This could be a new beginning in my relationship with Tesco….the anticipation is almost too much to bear.

I can’t wait for next Sunday…

I do like a nice cuppa.

Preferably with a few biscuits…and then a few more biscuits.

In fact,I get most of my nutrition from biscuits….you just can’t beat a custard cream dunked in a fresh cup of  Typhoo.

They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach….this is perfectly true.

I’m anybody’s for a chocolate hobnob….especially if it’s accompanied by a cuppa.

But my particular poison is custard creams….oh yes.

Oh yes....

Oh yes....

TEA.

That is all.

You see,I am not a coffee person.Tried it once,hated it…although funnily enough there was a time when I didn’t even like tea,just drank squash or whatever all the time.Then one fateful day I tried a cuppa….and haven’t looked back since.

It is the cup that cheers…where would Eastenders be without someone making “a pot of tea” every five minutes when there’s some kind of family crisis?

The best cup of the day?—-The first one in the morning…I cannot function without it.I am supping on a particularly fine cuppa crafted by myself as I write this bloggage…tea is the perfect brain lubricant.* (*Tea should NOT be used as an actual lubricant as you might burn your bits)

I am trying to make an effort to eat healthier,and am soon to invest in a blender,for the fabrication of smoothies thereof.All this 5-a-day business…I don’t even get 5-a-week. The Mother Unit has got one knocking around the house doing nothing so I shall inspect the object when i’m over there next.

Who knows I might even start exercising….and I will need to look my best soon….first impressions are so important 😉

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It’s that time of the month again….no,not that time,or that one….well obviously not that one.

I speak of course about the delivery of the greatest magazine currently in publication….

Fortean Times!

The self-styled “journal of strange phenomena.”

Some of you may know it….I have been reading it for flipping years and have every issue since 1992.

I never throw a copy away….it’s a man thing.

Conspiracy theories,strange thingies,weird happenings,bizarre coincidences and nasty blobby whatsits…they’re all in there.

This month’s issue features the story of a girl who was brained by a falling tortoise,and a man who over the years has filed more than 4000 lawsuits against various people,entities,objects and concepts,including Plato,Nostradamus,the Lincoln Memorial and the Eiffel Tower.Well,you’ve got to have a hobby….his latest legal action is against the Guinness Book of Records to stop it from naming him the world’s most litiginous man in the next edition.

There’s no pleasing some people.

I highly recommend you pick up a copy….it’s better for you than OK! or Heat.

Katie Price is never featured.

Feed your head.

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llanfair

A very silly name

Last weekend,I finally broached the subject of my annoying nomenclature with the Mother Unit.

I don’t think it went down too well.

After all,she must have thought it was a very good idea at the time to give me a rubbish name.Every time anyone says my name,but especially when they pronounce it properly (like my mother) ,I feel like I’m 8 years old.Because of my name I have not been taken seriously throughout my entire life.

Welsh people hear my name and immediately think…awww bless.”Emyr” is not a name you give to someone you want or expect to do well in life.

My mother suggested I call myself by my middle name-“Wyn.” That’s not even a proper name…how many “Wyns” do you know?

I have seriously considered changing it officially…but change it to what?

Ed Balls?

Michael Hunt?

Aristotle Bonaventure?

I once had a relationship with a girl from Sunderland,called Lisa…I soon realised that the only chance I had of getting my leg over was to call myself Wyn.When she came to stay,obviously she called me Wyn…which caused my old mum to look at her as if she were mad….but there was no way she would have been able to get her tongue around “Emyr.”

Although I got my tongue around Lisa quite a few times.

Sorry.

I think until I can decide on a new name,or the whole world turns Welsh,whichever comes soonest,I shall be known as Wyn to all those non-Taffies out there….well,the ones who actually want to know what my name is…

I still have a nagging doubt about changing my name,though…it’s that my proper name,crap as it is,is SO ingrained in my psyche,that I will be embarrassed to tell people my name even after it’s changed.

Even if it’s John Smith….or Arthur Windbag-Fitzherbert-Thornycroft.

As you may have gathered,I’m quite messed up about this….I need therapy.

Or perhaps a nice cup of tea.