As Yoda once said….
“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”
….but Yoda was 2 feet tall,looked like a scrotum and never won any of his lightsabre duels.
HATE IS GREAT.
I am often accused of having very high standards and of thinking that the world desperately wants to hear my opinion on whatever subject is currently passing through my chakra.Granted,the main subject does tend to be Doctor Who,a television programme very close to my heart,a topic on which I have several definitive theories,the product of painstaking original research over a timespan of 30 years.This qualifies me to say that Tom Baker (hallowed be His name) is the best Doctor Who ever….saying David Tennant is just because you fancy him when you haven’t seen the programme in it’s entirety is,frankly,sad.
But I digress.
I LOVE TO HATE.
I AM A HATER.
AND I AM PROUD TO BE A HATER….EVERYTHING THAT YOU HOLD DEAR,I HATE.
And there is an awful lot to hate these days….Cheryl Cole,”Prof.” Brian Cox,those Morrison ads with Richard Hammond,Hollyoaks,Skins,The Gadget Show,Steve Ryder,Ben Fogle,James Corden,Jimmy Carr,the fact that Eva Mendes isn’t in my bedroom RIGHT NOW,burnt toast,bus stations,Kate Humble,John Barrowman,Gavin & Stacey,Matt Smith,David Tennant (although his career is at an end so thankfully we won’t see much of him from now on),did I mention Cheryl Cole ?,people who don’t like Lady Gaga…..I could go on…
Shall I ?
OK then….
……endless tv shows called things like “100 most amusing things pulled out of someone’s arse”,anything starring Cheryl Cole,Cheryl Cole,any kind of dancing/skating/shagging/twatting-about “celebrity” reality thing,Americans,Matt Baker,”Sir” Steve Redgrave,the former somebody but now unemployed nobody,the fact that 6Music is being axed when John Barrowman continues to contaminate my screen,Russell T. Davies and what he’s done to Doctor Who,my complete failure to win the lottery,the BBC stealing my licence fee to make another series of Snog,Marry Avoid?,people who say “could of” instead of “could have”,Stephen Fry.Jonathan Ross,Most Haunted,Russell Brand,that fat twat on the GoCompare ad,you know the opera singer (dodgy claim to fame-I was in school with him….I don’t hate HIM,per se…it’s just couldn’t he have picked a less annoying advert?),having to go to the toilet in the middle of a film at the cinema,Tom Cruise’s teeth,Rhod Gilbert (dodgy claim to fame #2-his mother taught French at my secondary school-she was funnier),and finally,Cheryl Cole….oh and David Tennant.
Name anything…..I guarantee you that that I hate it.
But I’m happy in my house of hate….and I shall be firmly ensconced therein this coming weekend when the new “Doctor Who” starts with missing link Matt Smith…
Just to forewarn you….I shall be hating BIGTIME,because there is no physical way that the new series can be anything but utter shit….
…BUT…
…if,by some weird,unholy,unnatural,wrong conjunction of the stars I actually like it (and I will give it a chance for one episode,I’m kind like that),then I will eat my own SPLEEN,in public,date and venue to be announced.
I shall be also live-tweeting during the episode,so you’d better unfollow me sharpish if you get offended by the words “dump”,”fucking lame shit”,”childish dumbed down bollocks” and “bring Tom Baker back pdq”.
TTFN!
TROPICAL MOMENTS 